Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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