he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
