I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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