i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
