Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
