Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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