I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
