I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
