girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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