I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
