My nipple is on Facebook.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
