I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
