i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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