one might say we're banned from that church
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize