then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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