Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
