I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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