My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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