i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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