Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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