Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
