He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
