My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
