Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
