i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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