Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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