i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
