You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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