lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
