There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
