he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
