It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
