Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
