you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize