I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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