Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
