I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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