i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
