I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
