I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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