Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
