I didn't shave. On purpose
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
