Farmville is her only friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
