I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize