Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
