All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
