would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
