I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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