I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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