FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
