You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
