i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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