Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
