He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize