What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
