She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
