he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
