I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
