and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize