You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
