Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
