You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
