I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
