Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
