Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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