Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
