I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize