im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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